The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
