You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
