Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
