I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
