im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
