If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
