there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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