So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
