The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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