if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
