it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His nipple licking is glorious
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