I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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