Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
