is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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