Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My balls are so social today.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
