Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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