my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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