she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
