farters have to be the big spoon...
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
