worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
wow bdsm is so cute
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
