Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
