Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
