I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
