Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
