All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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