woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
