'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
