I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
