And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize