If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
