I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
