Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Two words: blizzard sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
