yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
