Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
