Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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