that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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