dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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