Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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