you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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