have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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