I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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