nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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