Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
