Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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