she was so not down for the gang bang
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
