Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
