just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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