i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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