taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
