I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
