apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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