it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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