she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
