Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
