dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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