just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
