she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
