I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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