I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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