Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
