So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
