I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize