Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize